I guess the only place to start is at the beginning I'm guessing that since you are here you have already read my story so I won't go over  the story all over again.I'm 21 married and am the mommy of 3 angels This is the journey of my grief and the things I felt when I was going through my losses.The mind numbing moments of grief and how I dealt with the darkest days.

                          The very beginning

To start at the beginning I have to go back to being 15 years old, when I was younger I was wild (show me a teenager who isn't!!)I was with someone and we weren't together long only around 5 months or so. It was a short relationship and we split it was over before it had properly begun. I guess this is just what happens when you are young nothing last forever. I found  I was pregnant almost a week after we split we were both still at school and the situation was awkard  and delicate to say the least. But at the end of the day I wasn't the first girl in the world to ever get pregnant. Things were hairy for a while I had the none to brave task of telling my mum (AS PREDICTED SHE WENT APE!!) at first she was adamant she wanted me to have a termination but nu uh that was something that I was never ever going to do I think a lot of the pushing she did over the next few months was born out of concern and anger but she did try to sway me to abort. It was just never an option for me I would never EVER do it. I admit my situation was not good my age no money no partner but I still knew that even though that was the situation that the consequences of aborting my tiny faultless little baby would be far worse. Almost from the get go I started to imagine my life with a little baby in it , I started to plan his or her's future and knowing that I would be responsible for the rest of my life for this tiny little being inside of me was overwhelming  and  an amazing feeling. My mum made a doc's appointment and she kind of half threatened half warned me not to go against her meaning keep my mouth shut and she would do all the talking (this behaviour was part of the reason I hid it from her for several weeks that I was pregnant) by this she meant she was going to tell the doctor that I was having an abortion. I didn't argue because I knew that I was going to have to save my energy for the argeument in the doctor's office. We walked to the doctor's together me with the heaviest feeling in my heart I loved my baby already I really did I was beginning to bond I had a little cousin who had been born a few months before and everytime I looked at her I imagined a little baby just like her was growing in my belly and I was his or hers mummy I was so googley eyed and not because I wanted a little doll to dress up !! as was suggested to me by a rather rude fat old lady on the bus when I began to show ! anyway back to the doctors office showdown, it went something like this